You write shat all down ekshatly ash I tell you? Yesh? Good...
Sho... hm, where to shtart? No! Don't write shat down! Aiiii! Shtupid man! I'm SHINKING! Sho... hm... Wash a few daysh ago when me and mine shishtersh wash on tradingsh and shomeone shaid "Hey, you are a funny bunch! Funny guys! You should write your adventures down!"
Yesh, yesh... he hash had funny akshent and talked like shat. You hash shat? Good! Sho... I don't know what he did mean wish 'Guysh', caushe my shishtersh are no guysh not. Yesh, shey do have to shave sheir fashesh more often shen me, but are no guysh! And no idea, what a bunsh ish... Do you? Oh well... write!
Sho... I shought to myshelf: "Ish a good idea, Shimmy!" Ish shusht one problem: Me can not write! Sho I paid you... I mean... I paid a shailor here on she ship to write down on a piesh of parshment what I am telling him to write down.
Do you hash shat? ... telling... him... to... write... down. Good!
Sho, I am Shimmy of she Clan of Bloch. I am twenty and one year old.. I shink. I come from a shmall villash in she norsh near she big foresht... What? What name? Villash hash no name. Why need villash name? You shusht write! You not ashk queshtion! Yesh, ALL I shay!
Sho... where wash I? Now you dishtracted me wish your shtupid queshtionsh... Oh yesh! Villash! Sho... I come from shat villash.... don't look at me like shat! VI-LLASH!.... and we hash many verr. Shere's Betshie and Elishabish and... What do you mean 'shat ish not important'?... Fine! No namesh of she verr shen! Sho... ish many verr and many family... and a shleen to herd she verr... and a boshk cow and... and...
... houshesh! And osher shingsh. Sho, my fasher shent me on travelsh wish my two older shishtersh - Shushanna and Shashy... to trade our wool of our verrsh... But we finded.... what?... found?... fine!... But we found many osher shingsh to trade wish... buying here... shelling shere... sho I hash many coinsh in my poush now, but I want to make more, sho shat we hash nishe dowry for my two shishtersh to get a companion... No... no... TWO companionsh! One for eash! You are shtupid! Shtop laughing! Write!
Sho now we are on a ship whish ish called "Impresh", whish ish a very nishe ship. She cushionsh are very shoft. My one shishter alwaysh flirting wish she captain... maybe she can companion him, shen we can travel wish she ship all she time wishout paying? What you shink? Hey, why you write shat down? Shtupid Sheaman! I wash talking to you!... Yesh, I shaid to write all down.. but not shish! and not shat! why are you shtill writing? I musht shink.....
Yesh! Now write: Sho, we are on shish ship now and traveling along she coasht.. shat ish very egshiting... We hash meeted... what? 'met'? No, I don't shink sho! I shink it'sh 'meeted'! Sho write: We hash meeted very many peoplesh to trade wish and shoon we will hash good dowry for my lovely shishters to... Why are you laughing now?!? Shtop laughing! Write... sho, shoon we will find companion for my shishtersh and maybe shen shey shtop talking about she many nephewsh and neishesh shey want to get from me.... No! Not from ME, off courshe! You musht know, shey want me to take a companion shoon too... but really! All shoshe womansh are SHOOOOOO shin!!!
Sho... well... in she negsht daysh I will let write down all of oursh adventuresh. Maybe my shishtersh do shat too. But now firsht of all I needsh to shleep a bit... Sho, good night shailor! Did you shusht write down 'Good night shailor'? Shtupid man! What are you writing down now? Shtop it! Shtop!!!
Yesh, shit and write wash I shay, yesh, what I shay. You did for Shimmy. Copper tarshk! Copper tarshk.... Rhobbing shailorsh shusht coushe you can write and we can’t.
What shose shqigglesh on shat parshment? Ish about you? Why would people want to hear about you when shey can hear about me? Chuhhh mm. What you writing now? I ish shusht clearing my shrote ishn’t I.
My name ish ShushannaShashona Bloch of she Clan Bloch and I ish twenty and shree yearsh old. What? Villash? Villash hash no name. Itsh called Villash. Shimmy told you shat already.
Sho Sheshellia, my older, mush older shishter, me and Shimmy hash been shent by our fasher ... What you mean you know shat already? How do you know shat, I only shusht shaid it. Shusht write what I shaidded.Sho where wash I... my mush older shister, Shimmy and me were shent by our fasher to trade wool from our verrsh. Shimmy ish very upshet at leaving shemsh. He shaid shat shey will be lonely at night wishout him. He takesh shush good care of shem. At night you can hear him grunting and groaning and shome timesh making a really loud grunt followed by she verrsh bleating really loud. He really lovesh hish verrsh.... getting off topic? Who’sh writing shish? you or me?... well yesh you are writing it but itsh my wordsh ishn’t it? Shusht write ... I ish paying a lot of money for shish.
Show we ish not a very big clan, share ish only about shigshty of ush left ... Shimmy? No Shimmy can only count to twenty, and shen he hash to take off hish shoesh and shocksh, whish ishn’t very nishe coushe hish feetsh shmell...
Sho, Sheshy and me we hash talked and we shink shat while we are on travelsh we should find Shimmy a companion. He ish shush a good boy and very clean. He bashsh onesh a monsh, you know, whesher he needsh it or not. Well she ladiesh we metted ... met? No , ish metted. I ashk Shimmy. SHIMMY ISH IT MET OR METTED? METTED? Shee, Shimmy shay itsh metted. You write metted, why you shaking your head? Where wash I .. yesh she ladiesh we METTED are too shkinny, sheir fasher’sh don’t feedsh shem properly. It ishn’t too mush of a problem, Sheshy hash lotsh of butter, sho we can make shem a nishe healshy shish again. Sho we are looking for a nishe shtrong healshy lady to companion our brosher and give ush ten or twelve nishe babiesh. Twenty would be good too. She clan needsh new bloodsh cush shere ish no more coushinsh for poor Shimmy to marry. Unlessh he marriesh coushin Shain but coushin Shain ish a boy and ish only fifteensh yearsh old and he cant give Shimmy lotsh and lotsh of babiesh.. sho .. no .. we needsh new blood in the clan.
Well shat ish enough for now. You shit here a bit longer and make shure you shpelt she lettersh exactly like I shed it. I am not paying you a whole copper tarshk for rubbish shpelling.
Me? .... I am going to shit by she bar for a bit and have a drinksh..
Sho, what do you want me to shay?
hmm... my shishter hash paid for you to take informashion from me?
shigh, shat shushanna, she ish never going to get a companion like shat, alwaysh shpending her money.
You should shee how many dreshesh she hash already, it shcary! she almosht hash enough for one a day! shigh... shoon she will be like shat "Lady" we met on she Impresh who takesh a bash a day?
I mean honeshtly, a bash a day? it'sh dishcushting!
Well, letsh shee now... I am Sheshillia, Sheshy to my friendsh. I am she eldesht shishter, little shushanna being she younger... what? hmm? Yesh, she one wish all she dreshesh, yesh, shat'sh she one.... no she doeshn't need to shave shat often, shree timesh a week ish ushually shuffishient for her.. heh, I wish I wash shat lucky, if I dont shave at leasht onshe a day people shtart shinking I am my great aunt Cashanda Conshtantina she shird, or "Aunt shaggy" ash we callsh her.
Anyway, where wash I?... hmm.. oh yesh... oh wait! Ish my shishter paying by she word or by she sheshion? what? she could not pay you enough to hashe a sheshion wish me? What ish shat shupposhed to mean??? oh.... to teash me to write... I shee... hmmm...
Well, anyway, hmmm yesh, I am she eldesht. She baby of our bunsh ish Shimmy our brosher, sho handshome, sho shtrong, wiffsh a bit of she Verr but it'sh not a problem if you shtay upwind - hmm you hashe a shishter who needsh to be companioned by any shance? "Not over your dead body"? How do you mean? oh, an osher protective fasher.. I shee...
Oh, got to run, shmellsh like she pie ish done, it should be perfect, shree whole jarsh of butter mmmm... BUTTER.........